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Foreword for A Lighter Darkness: an Exposition of Printed Matter by Myneandyours, 2018.

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Please hold. Your presence is absolutely not important to us.

Meanwhile, here is a nerve wrecking tune to hold your breath to. Ta da da da. Please, make yourself uncomfortable. Sit up. Relax. Concentrate. Mind your own business. Wake up at 6:00 in the morning, meditate, take a shower, straighten your hair, have some freshly squeezed orange juice, puff some of our latest fragrance; Coco Black Sauvage Eau de Parfum Intense Noire Sauvage Black Coco. Hurry up now, join the early birds. What a treat! Save up to 10 US dollars. Discounts for a limited time only. Limited time only. Save up, but pay attention. Think straight, but make a right in 800 meters then stay left at the fork. Stay left at the fork. Stay left at the fork. Fasten your seat belt. Drive safely and attentively. Hamster on a wheel. Don’t choke now. Grow up, you are no longer a child. Express yourself, but not too loudly. Remember, you have to be mindful of others. No loud noises after midnight, except if you’re Cinderella. In that case, please feel free to revolt, and do not hesitate to resist, rebel and/or knock the wind out of a person of your preference. You can now enjoy unlimited privileges you did not earn or deserve but have simply been granted by being born on a convenient side of the earth at a lovely time. What a wonderful, special snowflake you are. You are the exception, and everyone else is the norm. This option may not be available in your country. But don’t be flakey and immature now. You have to respect the authorities. Lower your voice. By all means, apply yourself. Get a proper career. Stay empowered, and educated. Vote, but only for the right people. Don’t lose sight, but make sure you remain blind and kind. Remember, we all want you to take care and to have a nice day. Stay out of trouble. Don’t drink too much. Don’t eat too much. Don’t think too much. Don’t overreact, overwhelm, or overdose. Stay mild; you really need to loosen up a little, you know? Remain lukewarm excited, lukewarm happy, lukewarm ambitious. But stop being so depressed, so ungrateful, so boring. My god. Go out and have some fun. You must have fun. Now, hold this yoga position. Hold. Hold. Now release to extinguish the fire burning inside of you. Five course meals. Five times a day. Rinse and repeat. Preorder. No exchanges or refunds. Who’s a good boy? Swipe right to conform, and blink twice if you can hear me.

You must be wondering what you are doing here. We appreciate your patience as we try to process your request. Please do not disturb. Enough with the paranoia. Only good, realistic, pragmatic and/or practical dreams. Follow the instructions, they ensure you receive a horrifying experience during your stay. In case of emergency, press the red button to set panic and instigate mayhem. Please remember not to use the alligators and to keep all exits clear. Watch out. Be more calculated, more rational. None of that sentimental nonsense. Don't cry in public; no one likes an idiot. Apply your anti-aging cream. Take a picture. Don’t litter. Take a picture. Calm down. Take a picture. See your therapist on a regular basis. Healthy diet. None of that junk food nonsense. Finger Lickin’ Good. Go the gym. Three times a week. Pay your credit card bills on time. Register for free. Limited time only. Prove you are human. I am not a robot. Prove you are human. I am not a robot. Prove you are human. I am not a robot. Kind reminder. I am not a robot. I hope this finds you well. I am not a robot. Accountable citizen of the world. I am not a robot. Responsible adult. I am not a robot. Uber rating 4.8. I am not a robot.

I am not. But if you have any further questions or concerns, kindly ignore them and smile at the camera. What you are looking for is obviously not here, but while you’re out there, be wary of a small cloud. You may encounter the little rascal on walls outside or inside yourself. It may seem perfectly harmless, but it glows furiously in the dark. If found, please report immediately, and by all means, keep out of reach of children and adults, humans and aliens alike. Some clouds may cause acute disruption and/or disillusionment. Talk to your doctor if you feel any curiosity, intrigue, slight genuine interest, or find that you no longer give a shit about what anyone else thinks. The cloud; a constitution, an evolution, a resolution, a sensation, a temptation, an aspiration, a conversation, an education, a mere complication. An inconvenience. Remain seated. Stay quiet. Disinfect. Live happily ever after.

Thank you for holding. You will be immediately referred to our incompetent representative. Have a pleasant darkness, and don't forget to like, follow, and subscribe to our newsletter for future false hopes and a variety of our best unfulfilled dreams and empty promises. Welcome to the abyss.

A Lighter Darkness Catalog is available upon request.